I had intended on Friday being my last day to have a cigarette. I had planned on getting the patches that night and starting them Saturday morning. Well that isn't what happened. Due to a turn of events this weekend I found myself setting back the day everyday.
The weekend, in a whole, seems a blur.
Friday night, I got home from work late & realized I was broke. I need to get to the pharmacy before it closes. I didn't make it. Pharmacy closed. No patches. I totally accept the delay and embrace it. Can always quit Saturday afternoon. By mid Saturday I just decide to get a fresh start and begin the patches Sunday morning. Saturday night I get a call from my love. Not a good call. Specially when it starts out, "This is a free collect call from an inmate at the County Jail", need I say more?
I'm still, even after this, going to try to stop in the morning. Just slap on a patch and go with it.
I put the patch on & it burns and itches like crazy. I start to think maybe it shouldn't be over the tattoo on my shoulder. Oh well deal with it. I am trying and have made it most of the morning when my phone rings again. This time it's a friend, we will just call her QM, she asked what my brother in laws last name is & that he is in the hospital and someone is trying to find him. (My in-laws are Muslim & some of them changed their last names.) So it is a very old friend from back in the day. I end up calling him directly & talking to him to find out what he knows. From what he knows, he has died twice & was brought back & is now on life support. This is all here say from 3rd party people. But don't know what hospital he is at. Call several to no avail. Finally my friend gets a hold of someone that knows & calls me back. (somewhere in there I ripped the patch off & smoked)
I start to have all these emotions about the situation. Why didn't my sister call me? Is my mother in law that mad that I got an attorney & filed for divorce? I was always closer to them than my husband & they knew that. I begin the cycle of emotions. Confused, angry, panic, sad. Do I go see him? All these emotions, so I run to "P" ,since my love is in jail now & I can't call him! He doesn't calm me down the way I want but he distracts me from thinking about it because he is so funny. I need to leave there & go put money on C's books & see him. So I run downtown & drop money off & end up going to visit him too. He calms me down, in the sensible, grown, caring way that I need. He tells me to quit tripping and go see him. To go home get ready to go to my Aunts (we had to do Thanksgiving yesterday) & after that just go see him. That I will feel better once I go see the family and know what is happening, how I would feel if I didn't go, etc, etc. He always makes so much sense and my mind finally begins to slow down... Thank you... I begin to breathe again... Thank you.
At home I have already made to batches of brittle, am finishing the 2 loads of laundry I was doing. Now I can relax for a bit & get dressed to be at my aunts' house at four. Whew!
But wait the phone rings once again. It's my friend with the baby & they need to get to the store for formula. They don't want to leave the apartment because the cops are chasing someone in the apartments and have been told to stay inside. By the time I get there they have already gotten the formula & the cops have some guy in the back of the car that appears to be bleeding pretty heavily. Who knows what happen?
The neighbors yell down that it is their son's first birthday & was I coming over. I told them I was going to my aunts' now & would be back later & stop by. It is now 4pm. I am rushing to get there. I make it. We have a wonderful family dinner then I begin the slide show of my Aunt & her husband's trip to Europe for a month. Beautiful.
The night is never going to end.
We my son & I make it to the hospital at around 8pm. I see everyone & talk to them all, mostly my mother-in law, whom I must say is handling this so well as always. She is such a strong & beautiful woman. Of course my sis & I are talking about everything under the sun but what is going on at this moment until I say I want to go see him. I'll just say that was hard and I have been praying. The hardest part is watching my teenage son fall apart when he sees his uncle laying in that bed. My heart fell. I don't know what is going to happen. He is on life support and heavily sedated to keep all his vitals low. My son wants me to tell him that he will be okay & I can't. His kidneys failed 12years ago & the transplants kidneys failed after 5 years. He was suppose to go to Dialysis & they told him he was okay to wait another day & this is what happened.
Needless to say I am still smoking & have postponed my quit date.